What you describe is the ideal but even King David, a man after God's own heart, committed adultery and probably rape. Humans usually do not live up to the standards God has put into place. Also, a spouse should not be first in one's life, God is first always. Another example is Dr. Charles Stanley who was married, then divorced but never remarried. I believe he was committed to his wife but she still felt neglected. She never remarried either. One cannot and should not force another to remain in a marriage. People change. Love should always remain but often it does not. It is a sad fact of human nature. There is also the subject of a believer married to a non-believer when one comes to faith but the other does not. Marriage is a life time commitment. Unfortunately, many will not honor this commitment.
Your right, It is ideal. But it’s not our idea, it’s God’s. So to pass it off as an unattainable dream is to neglect our charge to live a Christian life. Sure, you stumble. But redemption isn’t found by pretending what you did was right or okay because it happens to everyone. It’s found when you admit you were wrong and try a different way. HIS way. If you are “unequally yoked” to a partner that doesn’t believe, then you must admit you never should have entered into that union in the first place and turn around (the literal definition of ‘repent’).
Regardless, this is to inform not only married people, but also people that are not yet married. The idea of someone forcing another into staying in a marriage is not even an issue if marriage is approached from the proper place to begin with. Understanding the complimentary aspects, the sacrifice, the grace required to even attempt such a feat as to live in harmony with God and spouse…. These are things that must be taught BEFORE marriage, not during, or after when it’s too late. Divorce should be seen as such a complete last resort move (Moses permits it in OT when your spouse’s heart is hardened to you, and Jesus permits it only if one has committed adultery), and new couples need to be mentored by the Church.
Also, yes you’re right, God comes first. It's in the pursuit of God as one flesh with your spouse that grace and love overflow into those around you. This does not mean that you must be married to overflow. But when done well, it’s such a beautiful thing and it pleases God.
The church, family of believers, should counsel young people before marriage . I agree. The church should also be active in each individual faith journey, especially accountability. Wesley small groups would ask "How is it with your soul?" I have been Methodist since childhood and never once was asked this question or a question close to it. The church is drifting far from it's foundation which is Christ. I believe most Christians mean well but lack the zeal that is freely given from the Holy Spirit. I would call it laziness which permeates in all areas of life including marriage. Commitment to our Lord means being a slave to Him. Total obedience which He demands, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments". Attending church once a week and giving money does not nearly cover it. The Lord wants us to love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength. Anything less does not honor Him. Also, in our witness for Him, we must be careful and kind. There is much pain and suffering in the world, including in marriage. We do not need to add to it by saying "you must admit you should never have married that person". No one knows in advance whether or not a marriage will succeed or fail. This is why I gave Pastor Charles Stanley as an example. We should be careful to advise with love and kindness knowing we do not have all the answers, only God does.
This is where we will disagree. Which is fine. But you can absolutely know that a marriage will work out when you enter into it. And part of loving someone is helping them understand where they missed the mark so that the next time may be more accurate. As for admitting your wrong... confessional Christianity is essential, and I’ve never known anyone to turn around (repent) without first admitting they were headed the wrong way. I know it’s uncomfortable, hard even. but necessary. And of course, requires grace! Because we will mess up. We also know that God can work anything, EVEN DIVORCE, for the good of His Kingdom.
But in order for that to happen holistically, we must first admit we need him because we’ve messed up. We’ve rebelled against His love. We have not loved our neighbors. We have not heard the cry of the needy.
We have not honored His design for marriage.
Forgive us we pray, and free us so that we may live in joyful obedience to Jesus Christ our Lord.
Now, redemption and healing begin.
As for Stanley, I don’t know much about him, other than he served as head of the SBC, which has been under an incredible amount of fire for sexual misconduct far beyond marriage, and also promised to resign as pastor if he got a divorce and then didn’t, whether he should have or not. I also know his son, Andy, has preached heresy and false Gospel to his church, with a lazy attempt to clarify his congregations understanding of love. So I have little respect for the Stanley’s.
But I do understand your advocation for grace and understanding. Just please know that love requires hard truth at times, and Christ requires repentance. Not shame, but redemption.
What you describe is the ideal but even King David, a man after God's own heart, committed adultery and probably rape. Humans usually do not live up to the standards God has put into place. Also, a spouse should not be first in one's life, God is first always. Another example is Dr. Charles Stanley who was married, then divorced but never remarried. I believe he was committed to his wife but she still felt neglected. She never remarried either. One cannot and should not force another to remain in a marriage. People change. Love should always remain but often it does not. It is a sad fact of human nature. There is also the subject of a believer married to a non-believer when one comes to faith but the other does not. Marriage is a life time commitment. Unfortunately, many will not honor this commitment.
Your right, It is ideal. But it’s not our idea, it’s God’s. So to pass it off as an unattainable dream is to neglect our charge to live a Christian life. Sure, you stumble. But redemption isn’t found by pretending what you did was right or okay because it happens to everyone. It’s found when you admit you were wrong and try a different way. HIS way. If you are “unequally yoked” to a partner that doesn’t believe, then you must admit you never should have entered into that union in the first place and turn around (the literal definition of ‘repent’).
Regardless, this is to inform not only married people, but also people that are not yet married. The idea of someone forcing another into staying in a marriage is not even an issue if marriage is approached from the proper place to begin with. Understanding the complimentary aspects, the sacrifice, the grace required to even attempt such a feat as to live in harmony with God and spouse…. These are things that must be taught BEFORE marriage, not during, or after when it’s too late. Divorce should be seen as such a complete last resort move (Moses permits it in OT when your spouse’s heart is hardened to you, and Jesus permits it only if one has committed adultery), and new couples need to be mentored by the Church.
Also, yes you’re right, God comes first. It's in the pursuit of God as one flesh with your spouse that grace and love overflow into those around you. This does not mean that you must be married to overflow. But when done well, it’s such a beautiful thing and it pleases God.
The church, family of believers, should counsel young people before marriage . I agree. The church should also be active in each individual faith journey, especially accountability. Wesley small groups would ask "How is it with your soul?" I have been Methodist since childhood and never once was asked this question or a question close to it. The church is drifting far from it's foundation which is Christ. I believe most Christians mean well but lack the zeal that is freely given from the Holy Spirit. I would call it laziness which permeates in all areas of life including marriage. Commitment to our Lord means being a slave to Him. Total obedience which He demands, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments". Attending church once a week and giving money does not nearly cover it. The Lord wants us to love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength. Anything less does not honor Him. Also, in our witness for Him, we must be careful and kind. There is much pain and suffering in the world, including in marriage. We do not need to add to it by saying "you must admit you should never have married that person". No one knows in advance whether or not a marriage will succeed or fail. This is why I gave Pastor Charles Stanley as an example. We should be careful to advise with love and kindness knowing we do not have all the answers, only God does.
This is where we will disagree. Which is fine. But you can absolutely know that a marriage will work out when you enter into it. And part of loving someone is helping them understand where they missed the mark so that the next time may be more accurate. As for admitting your wrong... confessional Christianity is essential, and I’ve never known anyone to turn around (repent) without first admitting they were headed the wrong way. I know it’s uncomfortable, hard even. but necessary. And of course, requires grace! Because we will mess up. We also know that God can work anything, EVEN DIVORCE, for the good of His Kingdom.
But in order for that to happen holistically, we must first admit we need him because we’ve messed up. We’ve rebelled against His love. We have not loved our neighbors. We have not heard the cry of the needy.
We have not honored His design for marriage.
Forgive us we pray, and free us so that we may live in joyful obedience to Jesus Christ our Lord.
Now, redemption and healing begin.
As for Stanley, I don’t know much about him, other than he served as head of the SBC, which has been under an incredible amount of fire for sexual misconduct far beyond marriage, and also promised to resign as pastor if he got a divorce and then didn’t, whether he should have or not. I also know his son, Andy, has preached heresy and false Gospel to his church, with a lazy attempt to clarify his congregations understanding of love. So I have little respect for the Stanley’s.
But I do understand your advocation for grace and understanding. Just please know that love requires hard truth at times, and Christ requires repentance. Not shame, but redemption.
You may be right.